When Joy and Respect Make a Family

Finding Your People

I still remember the Thanksgiving when I realized something felt off. Everyone was there—parents, siblings, cousins—but I spent most of the evening watching the clock. A week later, I had dinner with three friends. We laughed until our sides hurt, talked about things that actually mattered, and nobody wanted to leave. That’s when it hit me: I felt more at home with people who weren’t related to me than with people who shared my DNA. Richard Bach once wrote, “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” Those words gave language to something I’d been feeling but couldn’t quite name.

Beyond Biology

Bach’s words challenge everything we’ve been taught about family. We grow up thinking family is predetermined—the people we’re born to or born with. But what if family is actually something we recognize rather than something we’re assigned? The quote suggests that true family connections are built on two specific pillars: respect and joy. Not obligation. Not tradition. Not shared last names. When someone respects who you are and finds genuine joy in your presence, that’s family. And when you feel the same way about them, the bond becomes real regardless of whether you share a single drop of blood. Both elements matter—respect without joy feels formal, and joy without respect runs shallow. Together, they create something that lasts.

Chosen Bonds

Amy Poehler has spoken openly about how her comedy family became her truest support system. When she was struggling through a difficult divorce and questioning everything, it wasn’t her blood relatives who showed up at 2 a.m.—it was Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph, and the other women from her improv days. These were the people who knew her best, who made her laugh when she thought she’d forgotten how, who respected her choices without judgment. In her memoir, she writes about how this chosen family celebrated her wins and caught her during falls in ways that felt more natural than some of her actual family dynamics. They weren’t connected by DNA, but they were connected by something deeper—mutual respect and genuine joy in each other’s lives.

Building True Family

Creating family based on respect and joy requires intention. Start by noticing who energizes you rather than drains you—the friends who remember what matters to you, who show up without being asked, who celebrate your wins and sit with you in losses. These are your people. Protect time with them the way you’d protect time with any family member. Second, practice the respect you want to receive. Listen without fixing, show up consistently, and honor their boundaries. Third, choose joy deliberately in these relationships. Share what makes you laugh, create traditions together, celebrate the small stuff. Finally, recognize that some relationships—even blood ones—may need more distance than closeness. Letting go of expectations can be painful, even when it’s right. That doesn’t make you a bad person. Sometimes loving someone means accepting what they can offer rather than resenting what they can’t. You get to decide where you invest your energy and who gets your best self. When you experience relationships rooted in respect and joy, you learn how you should be treated everywhere.

Reaching Out Today

**Today’s Challenge:** Think of one person who brings both respect and joy to your life—someone who feels like family even if they aren’t related to you. Send them a message telling them what they mean to you. Don’t wait for a special occasion. Don’t overthink the words. Just let them know they’re family to you. Sometimes the people who matter most don’t realize how much they matter.

Your Real Family

Family isn’t about blood. It’s about who shows up, who stays, and who makes life better just by being in it. The people who respect you and find joy in your life—those are your people. And you are theirs. Maybe you’ve already found them, or maybe you’re still looking. Either way, knowing what real family feels like changes everything.

Start Today

Make your first move toward building or strengthening your chosen family. Whether you reach out to someone new or deepen a connection you already have, take that step. The family you create can be just as strong, just as real, and just as lasting as the one you were born into. Maybe even more so.