The Beautiful Discomfort of Becoming

Comfortable Prisons

I used to think my morning routine was perfect. Same coffee shop, same order, same seat by the window where I’d watch other people rush past while I sat safely in my predictable bubble. It felt good, that reliability. Until the day I realized I’d been having the exact same conversations with myself for months, maybe years. The comfort I’d built had become a cage, and I was both the prisoner and the warden. That’s when I understood what Max Depree meant when he said, “We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.” Sometimes the very things that make us feel secure are the things keeping us small.

The Growth Paradox

Depree’s words capture something most of us resist acknowledging – that transformation demands we release our grip on who we think we are. It’s not about self-improvement in the way we usually think of it, where we add skills or habits to our existing selves. It’s about fundamental change, the kind that makes us unrecognizable to our former selves. The executive turned teacher, the perfectionist who learned to embrace messy creativity, the introvert who discovered they had something important to say. Depree understood that becoming isn’t addition; it’s alchemy. And alchemy requires heat, pressure, and the willingness to let one form dissolve so another can emerge.

Reinvention Stories

History is full of people who only became extraordinary after choosing discomfort over familiarity. Consider Julia Child, who at 36 was a bored housewife following her husband to France. The woman who would revolutionize American cooking didn’t even know how to cook when she enrolled in Le Cordon Bleu. She had to let go of her identity as someone who *”wasn’t good in the kitchen”* and embrace the discomfort of being terrible at something before she could become extraordinary. Her transformation wasn’t just about learning techniques – it required dismantling her beliefs about her own capabilities. Child didn’t just add cooking skills to her existing self; she became an entirely different person, one who was brave enough to fail publicly and passionate enough to persist through countless disasters.

Embracing Change

The path from who you are to who you want to become isn’t a straight line you can GPS your way through. I learned this the hard way when I finally admitted that my “organized” life had become a sophisticated form of hiding. Getting honest about what you’re clinging to feels like standing naked in a snowstorm at first.

Maybe it’s the story you tell yourself about not being creative, or the belief that you’re *”too old”* to learn something new. I once wrote down, *”I’m not the kind of person who takes risks”*—and realized I’d been using that line as a security blanket for years.

Start by identifying one identity or limitation you’ve been carrying around like old luggage. Then ask yourself: what would I attempt if I weren’t committed to being this version of myself? The answer might surprise you. Begin experimenting with small acts of becoming – take a class that makes your palms sweat, have a conversation you’ve been avoiding, or simply respond differently the next time someone asks what you do. Change happens in the space between who you were yesterday and who you choose to be today. Practice being curious about your own potential instead of protective of your current limitations.

One Small Step

Tomorrow morning, before you check your phone or fall into your usual routine, do something that would make the “yesterday version” of you raise an eyebrow. Call someone you’ve been meaning to reach out to, write the first paragraph of something you’ve been thinking about, or simply take a different route to work and notice what you see.

Your Next Chapter

Becoming isn’t about rejecting everything you’ve been; it’s about releasing what no longer fits so something truer can emerge. The person you’re meant to be isn’t hiding somewhere in the future – they’re present in every moment you choose growth over comfort, curiosity over certainty. Depree’s wisdom reminds us that transformation isn’t just possible; it’s the natural result of our willingness to outgrow ourselves.

Begin Today

Stop waiting for permission to become who you’re meant to be. The bridge between your current self and your emerging self is built one brave choice at a time. What’s one small way you can honor your potential today instead of protecting your past?